


Theo's History

by doctery



Category: Adam Silvera, History is all you left me
Genre: M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-12
Updated: 2017-11-12
Packaged: 2019-02-01 09:07:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12701751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doctery/pseuds/doctery
Summary: A very short story of Theo's POV on the day he died. The day he recieved his last message from Griffin.





	Theo's History

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ziegenkind](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Ziegenkind).



I clicked on the voicemail he had left me an hour ago. We hadn‘T had talked in a while. Wade also refused to talk to me. I wasn‘t sure if I could blame him. I knew the way I treaded Griff was unfair. I kew I had hurt him. I hated that I hadn‘t confinced him to try a distance relationsip the day he broke up with me. Because if I was being totally honest with myself I was scared, too. Griff was always worried that I would fall in love with someone else, but it had never occured to him that the same fear lingered in me. He just didn‘t know how amiable he was.  
I didn‘t thought I would be falling in love with someone else. I always looked forward to our skype dates and loved pushing my flirting to an edge. And then I met Jackson. I‘m being honest when I say that first I thought he looked a lot like Griff and maybe I wanted to use him as a replacement but it didn‘t take long for me to realize Jackson was a whole different person from Griff. And I fell in love with that diffrence.  
Now we were sitting at the beach, we rode the feerys whell earlier today and it was awesome and I wanted this day to last forever.  
  
_„Hey Theo its Griff. I sort of need to talk to you about something big. It‘s not about us, I swear. Thats a little bit of a lie, it involves us a little, but not what you think. Anyway. Call me back.“_  
  
I get up. Jackson wants to do the same but I tell him „I need some alone time.“ Then I walk into the water. I take one, two strong strokes and hurl myself into the waves. I can‘t think straight, everything is blurry. It wasn‘t the words that irritated me so much it was his tone. I knew that tone. It was the same tone I used when I told him about Jackson. Did he seriously find someone he‘d fallen in love with? Someone other than me? I feel the tears streaming down my cheeks. Saltwater mixing with saltwater. I stopped swimming in just let the waves carry me. Wasn‘t this good? Wasn‘t it good that Griff found someone for himself? That we both wouldn‘t be lonely anymore? But imagining him with someone else hurt so much, it ripped my insides appart. I hadn‘t allowed myself to think about Griff with someone else. I knew I was selfish. I had admitted that to Griff in June when I kissed him. Our taboo. But I broke the taboo lot‘s of times. Sometimes I thought about his lips against mine at night and wished I was back at High School, when everything was easier and everything felt infinite. I really thought Griff would wait for me. Somehow I managed to treat Jackson as my Californian boyfriend and Griff as my New York one. I was the biggest asshole in this universe.  
Jelousy and rage and hate filled my chest. And with a shock I realized this was how he‘d felt for the past year and the pain doubled over in my chest. I wish I could swim over to New York right this second, grab Griff‘s arm und hide with him inside my bed forever. To never come out again. And then I remembered Jackson and I was confused again. I love Jackson I really do. He has a kind heart and he also feels jelouse of Griff most of the times. He is patient and funny and I knew he needed me  after how his ex treated him. And I also loved that part of him. I loved how they both needed me, like I was the center of their universes. What had I done? All three of us were suffering. I wanted to make this right but how? I needed to talk to them. For real this time!  
  
That‘s when the first wave hit me. I swallowed a bunch of saltwater and when I tried to cough it out another wave hit me and hurled me under water. I managed to get my head back on the surface and screamed. Every other thought was ereased from my brain, there was just panic. I tried to get my arms moving forcing them to carry me back to the beach but I was still coughing and I realized the beach was much further away then I expected. I could see Jackson running away and I screamed some more. The waves kept playing with me and I was pulled under over and over again. I tried to hold my breath but panic made me scream and water came into my mouth and nose. My lungs hurt, desperate for air. My arms hit the water uselessly. I didn‘t know where was up and down anymore. Everything hurt and then suddenly peace. Everything was dark. My last thought was him. Him. Him. Him.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this to get my head clear after reading HIAYLM for the thrid time.  
> I am still not over this books and I am not over Theos death. This books hurt me a lot and I would rip my heart out if it meant for all of them to be happy and alive somehow. 
> 
>  
> 
> I keep thinking about writing a story were he survives this but I am scared to be disrespectful to the original story.  
> Tell me what you think.
> 
> I just really wished Theo wasn't dead.


End file.
